Change

From now on, when I lament that change is hard I will think of the woolly bear caterpillar. If in a week’s time a little creature can go from this




To this



What change am I capable of if I set my mind to it? What wild transformation am I capable of?
In early November Mikaela and I saw a woolly bear climbing up the side of our house. We brought him inside and looked up woolly bears on the web and found a site that gave a very brief explanation of how to bring them inside for the winter and then watch them make a cocoon in the spring. We decided to try it. We made a container and fed our caterpillar grass until he curled up into a ball on the bottom. Hibernation and death look a lot alike. Over the winter we would look at him unmoving and curled up in the bottom of our container. Had we cared for him correctly? Was he protected enough from the winter? We would forget about him and then remember and brush the snow off the container and observe his curled body. Frankly, I wasn’t holding out much hope. And then at the end of March, he was climbing up the stick again! We were so pleased! Mikaela started feeding him grass again. We fed him for almost a week when we saw he was at the top of the stick and not moving again. Overnight a thin web covered his body. The next day the covering was brownish orange like his little body. It looks as if all his woolly fur came off him and transformed into a blanket to cover him. When you hold the cocoon up to the light you can see his shrinking body. It feels truly miraculous. In a little more than a week’s time he will be an Isabella Tiger Moth. What an accomplishment!
How does it know it is ready for change?
Did it resist climbing up the stick telling itself, well maybe tomorrow, tomorrow I will change?
Did it curl up in its cocoon saying, oh god, I can’t do this? This is too hard and scary.
How will I change today?

Waiting

Waiting

Our second court date for Yaebsira is today. We are waiting for a phone call or an email from our agency. Waiting to find out if I legally have one daughter or two. Waiting to find out if I am a mother of two children or three. It is afternoon in Ethiopia. In my heart I am her mother. I want to be able to post pictures of her. Oh please call me and say, yes, yes, she passed court. Yes we can fly to Ethiopia to bring her home. How do you wait for such news? So far I have done the dishes, stared at unimportant emails and tried to write an article for the OC news about Temesgen’s adoption. I was unable to write anything. I am good at staring off into space. While waiting I will post some recent pictures of Nigel Temesgen and Mikaela and hope that I can follow them with pictures of Yaebsira. I can not legally post any pictures of her until she passes court. With Ethiopian adoption you first get a referral for a child and you accept it. Which we did, of course. Then MOWA (Ministry of Women’s Affairs) has a court date to check that all paperwork is in order. Having Nigel home is proof that our paperwork is in order. He passed on the first court date. Yaebsira’s first court date failed. We were told by our agency that there was one missing signature and she will surly pass the second time. So here we are on the day of the second court date waiting. Waiting. I have met her, played with her, hugged her, kissed her. Her pictures are all around our house. She is already my daughter in my heart.


Life is sweet


snuggles



That after-bath glow!


beautiful dreamers


Sweet little feet



Drool monger


Good friends



My happy boy



Chef Nigel



Always exploring



A girl's best friend



Uhm... maybe this would be a good way to keep him safe... He seems to like it...



Ready for Spring!



Finally, Michael has a hockey fan in the family!! Thanks Meg, for the great jacket.



The Damn Husband and Nigel. I hope I get to post the picture of him kissing Yaebsira.



Happy and carefree at OC



Mikaela preparing for Earth Hour.



A spooky Earth Hour photo. Wish I had a tripod. I had a vision of what a wonderful time we would have during Earth Hour. We were going to have a fire and hang out and have fun as a family. Well, not quite the way we planned... It was too wet and the fire kept going out and was very smoky. Nigel was exhausted and bad tempered. I ended up going inside and putting him to bed. My lantern went out so I changed him in the dark. i was doing pretty well until my chest and neck were suddenly very wet! Thanks buddy!! We both went to bed crabby. Mikaela and Michael ended up having a good time finding tons of earthworms by the glow of their flashlights.



Why is there paper all over the floor? Ah, because my recycling bag has become a mask of course!!


"I have to go outside. I have work to do", Mikaela said. And when I turned around this is what she looked like. Ready for work!


Some days just don't go the way you want them to. This is the email I just received:
Sorry--April 13th, it was reassigned.
I don't know why at this point, just got an email and haven't spoken to anyone yet. May be as simple as power outage which is causing problems already this year. Don't worry, she will come home!
Grace
After trying to get a grip and stop crying I go tell Michael who hugs me and heads out to work. Sorry babe. I tell Mikaela. "That's ok mommy. Now we will have more time to prepare. We don't have enough kitchen chairs. We will have to get another one before she gets here. I have to go feed my horse." She skips away. Why can't I be as resilient? Now what do I do?
wait.

The rodent relocation program

We have started a rodent relocation program of sorts in our house. We live in southeastern Pennsylvania and our 200-year-old house is a fond nesting spot for many small creatures. I truly can't stand killing anything (okay, not true, ticks are fair game) so we catch them in traps and release them somewhere far away from our house. Our traps are small grey and plastic- they tip when the mouse goes in shutting the door behind them so I have never had a chance to see what we were catching. When we release them, they don't stick around to be observed. Our gerbil died a while back so my daughter and I got the idea of releasing a prisoner into the gerbil cage to see what we caught. Turned out to be a deer mouse. Mikaela immediately named him (her?) Harry. So for a few days we thought we would watch and check out his antics. As unhomeschoolers we can find nature and science everywhere we turn. We were surprised at how brave he is. He comes right up to the edge of the cage and watches us. He will then perform an array of stunts that include running wildly around the cage and hanging upside down from the bars and then comes back to look at us as if to say, so are you impressed? (Of course he could also be saying Let me out of this freaking cage!) My daughter likes to stuff part of a tissue through the bars at night before she goes to bed to see that he has pulled the whole thing in and shredded it to expand on his nest by morning. So, science aside, we have now grown found of this little guy who seems to perform for us. Although we have signs of spring everywhere we turn (the snowbells are out!) we are wondering if we relocate Harry to a park near us if he will be able to survive and find other deer mice buddies when it is still dipping into the thirties at night. I started to research deer mice on the web and found Rob Sandelin’s nature web site. I’m in love with this guy! His writing is wonderful. I want to follow him around for a while so I can experience all the nature he sees that I surely pass by. When I read his 2005 nature notes about putting a vole in his pant pocket I knew I had found the guy to ask. A guy who puts a vole in his pant pocket might understand our dilemma and have some more info. When I read his 2008 notes about how he held a baby deer mouse in his hands to warm it up, I knew I had the right guy. Below I have copied his field notes that pertain to deer mice. We still had a few more questions so I emailed him. We are also curious about how far an average deer mouse can travel and find his way home. You know where I am going with this one! We love Harry but when we set him free we really don’t want to see him again!



From Northwest Natural History by Rob Sanelin

End of September 2005 field notes
As the nights cool off some of the rodents from outside are keen to find a warmer spot and look for ways to squeeze into your house. House mice are quite numerous and can squeeze into cracks only 1/3 of an inch thick, the only limiting factor they have is how wide their little skull is. House mice and deer mice are prolific breeders, both can have 5 or more litters a year, thus one female might produce 35 or more of her kind. Since both species become sexually mature at about a month old, the mouse math quickly goes exponential. Thankfully, mice are sort of the lunchbox of the predator world and mice can only breed in relation to food supply, which varies.



April 2006 field notes
The first annual broods of deer mice are curled up together, their hairless pink bodies huddled in a mousey ball for warmth. These babies will be out of their grass and moss lined nest in about three weeks, providing food for the variety of predators that depend on their prodigious reproductive rates. At six weeks of age a female can become pregnant, and if she should live so long, she could be a great-great grandmother by fall. Populations of tiny rodents can have a large impact on what kinds of plants might grow in an area. Seedling plants offer high nutritional values and are often primary food resources for rodents. If the rodent population is high, and rodents prefer maple seedlings, then maples may not succeed in getting any of its seedlings large enough to where such predation is less effective. In an enclosure study done on the Olympic Peninsula, Deer mice ate every single Cottonwood and Big-leaf maple seedling in the enclosure. The ebb and flow of populations flux from year to year and decade to decade. So perhaps if owls and weasels decline, the mouse population increases, and maple trees might decline. Or, perhaps the very existence of maple trees is an artifact caused by a temporary population bloom of weasels many years ago which repressed the rodents long enough that the trees could grow beyond their reach. The landscape we see today was shaped by forces of several years ago and we can only guess at why things are the way they are.




April 2008 field notes
The deer mice are having babies and I rescued a mouseling that was wet and cold by putting it in my pocket. The warmth of my hands around it brought it back to alert activity so I set the squirmy tyke down at the edge of the wood, said my goodbye and good luck and then walked a few paces to a sunny spot to sit and listen to birds. I walked back uphill and then felt a tickle on my ear which was my mouse, who had climbed up the back of my coat as I sat. The little mouse was quite fearless and I was sorely tempted to keep it as a pet, but it is often no favor to captivate wild animals, and so I placed my mouse into a pile of Douglas fir cones and then strode quickly away, although I spend the day looking over my shoulder. It’s a big dangerous world for young mice and only a few will make it through the summer.



Deer mouse Peromyscus maniculatus

Identifying Features: Distinct boundary between white underside and brown top, tail white underneath, brown on the top.

This is perhaps one of the most numerous animals in our area, yet few people ever see them. They are found in all habitats from the sandy beaches of the ocean to mountain alpine meadows, although they are most numerous in forests. They eat a wide variety of foods including seeds, fungi, berries, and plant material. They also chew fallen bones, antlers and skulls to get the calcium. Deer mice will have their first brood in February, and a female can breed again within days of giving birth and can have up to 5 litters of young in a year. Each litter is typically 4-5 young but if food resources are plentiful she may have up to 9. Her first litters of young can also have litters in that same year and so if food supplies were without limit, one mouse could produce hundreds.

Deer mice make nests of moss, grass or other soft plant material on dry, well-drained areas. Each nest is only used once then abandoned, and these empty nests are sought after by bumblebee queens in the spring who renovate the mouse nest and use it to raise their own young.

This small animal is a prime food item for all the local predators and they are readily consumed by weasels, hawks, owls, coyotes and even crows.



So I am caught up in the sweet world of nature that Rob has offered to me. I am thinking of The Tale of Despereaux, the heroic mouse that reminds me of Harry…
And then I imagine my sister, Barbara, reading this blog entry with eyes wide with the fear of germs, diseases. Am I crazy? Yes I might be. So I type in a google search for Deer Mice and immediately an option comes up for Deer Mice Diseases that I had previously ignored. I was thinking about ticks and how baby ticks feast on mice first and then grow to more ambitious meals of deer and us. This site doesn’t even mention ticks. Suddenly the world Rob has created transforms into a much more ominous vision with none of Rob’s writing flair.

First some mouse facts from Pest Control Canada


Mouse Facts

* Mice travel over their entire territory daily, investigating each change or new object that may be placed there.
* Mice have poor vision, hence their activity patterns rely heavily on smell, taste, touch, and hearing.
* Mice use the long sensitive whiskers near the nose and hairs on the body as tactile sensors. The whiskers and hairs enable the mouse to travel in the dark, adjacent to walls in burrows.
* Mice also have an excellent sense of balance, enabling them to walk along telephone wires, ropes and similar thin objects.
* Mice are excellent jumpers, capable of leaping at least 12 inches vertically.
* Mice can jump against a flat vertical surface using it as a spring board to gain additional height.
* They can run up almost any vertical surface; wood, brick, weathered sheet metal, cables, etc.
* They can easily travel for some distance hanging upside down.
* Although they are good swimmers, mice tend to take to water only if left with no other alternative.
* Mice are basically nocturnal in nature.
* House mice breed throughout the year and can become pregnant within 48 hours of producing a litter.
* There are usually about 6 mice to a litter and females may produce as many as ten litters (about 50 young) per year.
* It takes 18 to 21 days for gestation, and 35 days for a mouse to mature. Most mice live anywhere from 15 to 18 months.
* They make their nests out of the same types of soft materials as rats, and as many as 3 females may use the same nest.
* They commonly nest in insulation in attics, also in stoves and under refrigerators.
* Mice do not travel far from their nest, about 12 to 20 feet.

This would explain how they mange to around in my kitchen.

And then they share the dangers of feeding the birds (Is nothing safe?):

The most common rodent attractant in urban locations is wild bird seed. Once a constant food source has been detected, rodents will leave pheromone trails for their family members to follow. This could result in a large populations being attracted to your home or business. An abundant supply of food will also speed up their reproductive cycle. Most people who feed wild birds don't realize they are probably feeding more rodents than birds. Pet food, grass seed and poorly stored human food are other attractants.

And it gets worse. Ewww:

* In six months, one pair of mice can eat about 4 pounds of food and during that period produce some 18,000 fecal droppings.
* Deer mice are a primary vector of Hantaviral infections which cause hemorrhagic fevers.
* Mice may infect food with their droppings transmitting such organisms as salmonella and the microscopic eggs of tapeworms.
* Mice transmit disease in a number of ways including biting, infecting human food with their droppings or urine, indirectly via the dog or cat and bloodsucking insects.

The most common way mice transmit disease organisms is by contaminating food with their droppings and/or urine. The most threatening organism spread by mice is Salmonella, a cause of food poisoning, spread via droppings. Other transmittable organisms include tapeworms via droppings, rat-bite fever via bites, infectious jaundice/leptospirosis/Weil’s Disease via urine in food or water, a fungus disease (Favus) of the scalp either by direct contact or indirectly via cats, plague and murine typhus via fleas, Rickettsial pox via the mite Liponyssoides sanguineus (Hirst), lymphocytic choriomeningitis via droppings, and possibly poliomyelitis (polio). Another problem is house mouse mite dermatitis which is caused by these mites when they feed on humans.


Harry is not looking as cute as he was before. And now they ruin the happy thoughts I have about our rodent relocation program by sharing that deer mice have an incredible ability to track back to their nest and can travel very large distances to do so. They conducted a large study tracking mice that they captured and released:


50% of deer mice in that study returned to their home sites (a short-grass prairie habitat).

The mice traveled 650 m to 1,980 m (mean 1,500 m) and had to cross a river and pass optimal habitat patches to reach their home sites. Deer mice with previous homing experience were more successful in returning home (100%) than inexperienced mice (60%) and faster in doing so. Teferi and Millar suggest that these deer mice were able to navigate in a direct route to their home sites. We released mice in locations where they had no direct route to the house; they had to follow a winding road, climb over rocky outcroppings nearly 17 m high, or otherwise surmount obstacles and dangers, such as predators.

Perhaps I should have the Damn Husband release Harry in Chester on his way to work. The country mouse visits the urban enclave.
Poor Harry

Signs of Spring

Mikaela is feeling better and we went out in our yard looking for signs of Spring. They were everywhere! Some sneaking out of remaining patches of snow.







Building Spring fairy houses


For Nigel, it is all new and exciting. This is his first chance to explore outside.

He loves the taste of Spring!

A Thousand Dollars a Day

Spending virtual money for prosperity. For more info on this see the first A Thousand Dollars a Day blog post.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday

A party for all the people that helped us make our adoption possible. Let's celebrate!

$640.00 airline tickets for Kris and Bill
$300 Temenos day rental
$100 travel gas for Colleen
$2550 catering for 85 people
$410 party favors

Kris and Bill for making it possible
Barb for everything. And everything and more. Mikaela is looking forward to another Vacation Barb week when we return to Ethiopia.
Elizabeth for all her help. Without your Sunday visits I would need a dribble cup. You have done so much for us.
Nigel has a place to play thanks to Lisa D and Megan B. They also created a safe haven for Mikaela on the third floor away from her drooling, crying brother. This was no easy feat! My third floor was scarey!! How did you manage to be so brave? Megan came over to help me pack up the donations a few days before we left. She was patient with me when I stood in the middle of the room and just stared because I couldn't think of what to do next. Why was she cleaning out my refrigerator? Because she invited friends over who arrived with food to freeze and helped me celebrate. Megan, thank you also for romping with Wanda while we were gone and for fixing my high chair. Thanks for the baby gifts and frozen food and friendship Lisa D, Lisa C, Kelly, Megan and Colleen.
Lisa C for the hat and for giving me the great baby clothes from her boys. What would I do without the little leather shoes that he wears every day? The head yurt you knitted Nigel is awesome. He looks so cute in it. And his jumpy swing- he loves it and I love it because it means I can get five minutes in the bathroom without him trying to eat the cat litter.
Thanks for the great food deliveries: Marie (Goodwin), Marie (Gabelburger), Amy, Lydia, Stacey, Lisa H., Nikki G., Debi R., Kristen, Andrea, and Paige
Thanks Bonnie for arranging the food chain.
Colleen, thanks for being there when I needed you and thanks for the baby clothes.
Michele, thanks for the clothes for Nigel to grow into.

Be Careful What You Ask For

A blur of sick days, one blending into the next.
In one of my last posts I said I wish someone would take away all my needs so I could parent more effectively. My sweet girl is sick, sick, sick, scary sick, can’t keep anything down fever sick…and I got what I wanted but this wasn’t what I meant. My needs have all disappeared except for the need to see her get better. At first we thought she had the flu. She has never been sick for more than 24 hours before. Michael has Nigel and I spent the day snuggled down with Mikaela and lightly rubbing her forehead. For me this is the ultimate in health care. I fault my mother for many things but what she got right was how she cared for us when we were sick. There was something about seeing us down and hurting that softened her heart. I can remember the feel of her cool hand rubbing my forehead and saying, I would take this sickness away if I could. Flat, warm coke with a bendy straw, cinnamon toast cut into triangles and ice chips chopped in great grandma’s yellow aluminum ice grinder. These were the cure-alls of my youth. I rub Mikaela’s forehead. She can’t keep water down so the other remedies are useless.

Sunday
She is on day 7 of being sick. Truly, this is ‘normal’ flu period, it just feels like she has been sick for weeks.
In the morning I take Nigel to Temenos where my friend Elizabeth planned a baby blessing for Nigel. Mikaela was supposed to present him, but they were stuck with just me. It was very sweet. I am always touched with the questions children have about adoption. They are so curious and so honest. Nigel was the model baby for the event. When I arrived he stared at everyone with his big eyes and clutched on to me from the safety of the sling. During the children’s talk he showed them all his tricks- he smiled, stood up on his own, waved and managed to grab a tambourine from under the alter and start banging on it. After that he fell asleep and looked adorable during the rest of the service. Elizabeth’s talk was about personal trajectories and involved the reading of many of my favorite poets. Thank you Elizabeth for giving me a break from the infirmary and reminding me of how much I love poetry.
Back at home things were escalating. Mikaela still could not keep anything down.

Hours pass and I watch her sleep. She is so hot and dry to the touch. Everything stops. I have nothing to do except for Mikaela. Nothing else matters. I don’t want to be sick, she moans. Mikaela, instead of saying what you don’t want, try saying what you do want. Try I want to feel good. She pulls the covers over her head. Later I hear her whisper, I want to feel better. My sister calls and is increasingly nervous about Mikaela and keeps talking about the big snowstorm that is coming, how we will not be able to go to the hospital in the storm. She is encouraging me to take her to the ER right now. I frantically call friends for advice, for homeopathic remedies for something to make this turn around. I try several remedies. I spoon feed her raw honey in water. It comes right back up. I rub her belly. My pink hand on her yellow belly. I cover us both with the comforter and watch her sleep. Please get better. My mind won’t shut off. I haven’t seen my father in a week. I get a call each morning from his private duty nurse telling me how his night was. It is not enough, but there is not enough of me to go around. I have spent almost no time with Nigel. He has gotten only Daddy time, which is probably okay and needed also. My house is in whatever state it is in, extreme disarray, and I don’t care. A young person at OC has died ‘suddenly and accidentally'. I can only think of the precarious balance of life. I rub Mikaela’s forehead and cannot even imagine losing her. The world feels like a dangerous and ominous place. suddenly and accidentally. Tragedy is lurking in every corner and I feel scared and can’t sleep. suddenly and accidentally. I check on everyone. Michael is asleep, Nigel is snoring, Mikaela is hot but sleeping. I let Wanda out and stare at the snow falling. suddenly and accidentally.
In our little world it is just the two of us. Warm bodies meeting. I try to send Mikaela healing love and her little body works to beat this.

Monday
She is worse and weaker. We head to the ER. The snow is not so bad, just enough to make the whole experience feel so surreal. Mikaela begs not to go, cries and falls asleep in the car. I carry her into the ER and Mikaela has Nigel in the Ergo and goes to fill out the paperwork. I am overwhelmed with feeling responsible. As though she can sense this she says, It’s my fault I am sick. I tell her no, no way, this is not your fault. She won’t explain her thinking. Several hours later after IV fluids, she is a new girl. She is hungry for the first time in a week and has half a soft pretzel that my sister brings her. Before we leave she asks if she can walk in circles.

Tuesday
She is back to not eating anything because her tummy hurts. Thankfully she is drinking and keeping it down.
When is my Pony Package EVER going to get here? Mikaela laments at seeing an empty mailbox again. Anyone who knows Mikaela knows she is crazy for horses. Her generous Aunt Kris gave her a monthly subscription for a Pony Package that sends chapter books, horse kitsch and posters. She loves it. Each time she gets it she curls up with the books and doesn’t resurface until they are finished.
It feels like I haven’t been able to gallop for years! she says.
I know baby, it is hard to be sick for so long. My daughter often spends half her day on all fours. Mom, I am a falabella with one white sock and a star on my forehead. Sometimes she is a different horse each hour. Nigel is often her little foal who is 'an hour or a minute old.'

Wednesday
The fever comes and goes. It is a slow recovery. I wish we had Heidi or Mary Poppins, Mikaela tells me. I want to watch something sweet. We settle for the first half of The Sound of Music.

Thursday
She is still sick but today ate breakfast for the first time. We are going uphill now, a little better each day. We are like bears hibernating away from the world. We nap together several times a day, Mikaela, Nigel and I curled up together. This afternoon I wake up to Mikaela gently rubbing her hand across my forehead. I am feeling better she tells me and smiles.

Friday
I hear Mikaela upstairs waking up with Michael and Nigel. She is WHINNYING!! The gallop can't be far away.

A Thousand Dollars a Day

Friday morning the Damn Husband came down the stairs and was shuffling through the drawers looking for scissors and glue. Are you making me a valentine, I joked. No, he answered I am making you a thousand dollars to spend. It is an Abraham thing, he explained. He had just listened to one of the Abraham CD’s about money. For days now (weeks, months, years..) Michael and I have been discussing money, our thoughts around it, our lack of it and ways we can change our thinking about it and our relationship with it that will hopefully ultimately affect the poverty cycle we find ourselves in. So, the universe gives us what we ask for- the Law of Attraction. So if we are constantly feeling we don’t have enough then that is what we are attracting. And that is definitely what we have been attracting. To turn this around we need to imagine ourselves from a different perspective. The Damn Husband gives me a Xeroxed copy of a thousand dollar bill he has carefully glued together. Spend it any way you like he tells me. So, I am imagining having money, spending money and creating a different reality about money. One that works for me. I am attracting more money into my life everyday. What fun. Here is how I spend my virtual thousand dollars every day.

Friday

$180.00 6 new black turtlenecks from LL Bean
$240.00 6 button down LL Bean shirts (2 white, one blue, one pink, one
striped)
$40.00 IKEA enameled cast iron pot with lid
$10.00 IKEA oiled cast iron frying pan\
$80.00 IKEA white wicker desk chair
$349.00 IKEA wooden wardrobe for the mudroom
$50.00 Takeout sushi deluxe
$50.00 Massage for Barb

Saturday

$900.00 Bosch Dishwasher (I am ready to break this cycle. I have never owned a dishwasher and frankly, it is time. I will soon have three kids. I am tired of fishing through cold dishwater to find a baby spoon because there are no more left in the drawer. I am tired of washing dishes by hand, or not washing dishes by hand and having them pile up in the sink. The Damn Husband does not do dishes. I can convince him of many household chores but not dishes.

$14.00 The Presence Process: A Healing Journey into Present Momement Awareness by Michael Brown recommended by Gina Marks
$86.00 Translation and sending a very special package to Ethiopia

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

$2800.00 17 inch Mac Book Pro with eight hour battery
$1400.00 In Design Suite
$150.00 Office 2008
$200.00 Aperture 2
$200.00 Donation to Children Creating Bridges
$500.00 Donation to OC
$50.00 massage for Barb