Ask me how many children I have

Today for the first time, I can say, I have three children. Yaebsira Temesgen is legally our daughter. I am in shock. After ten months I really thought this would never happen. Nigel’s adoption was smooth, but all along the way Yaebsira’s situation was complicated. When I felt like giving up, I would remember her sweet laugh, her Ethiopian pout face and the feel of her arms wrapped around my neck. It has been ten months since her referral, eight months since I have seen her and it will be at least two more months before we see her again. We do not have our US embassy date which determines travel. So much to take in so fast! I better start feeling better FAST. I might need a miracle. One miracle has already happened: she is ours. Now we just need two more: one for health and one for finances. I have never been one to take the path of least resistance.

So, introducing the latest member of our family. Yaebsira Temesgen. Finally I can say, that our family is complete.

My beautiful, sweet girl








Do you think she is giving him a face massage?


Wish Mikaela could have been in this picture. I can't wait to have a picture of my girls together.


Yaebsira getting her hair done. Wow, Something else I have to learn to do!! Her hair is so beautiful.


The sunglasses are from a little care package we gave her.



This is my new T-shirt. I think I deserve it.

Dinner Time Improvization

I brewed up a little spontaneous chili today. I was remembering the great chili Marie Goodwin made for me when we had just gotten home with Nigel. It was so good and of course, like most good cooks, she couldn’t give me the recipe because she just threw it together. Is this really true? Or do the good cooks just say this so they can keep their fabulous recipes a secret. Come on Marie, fess up! With Marie’s chili in mind and ground turkey in the frig, I came up with this. It includes things I happen to have on hand.

Turkey Chili

(All ingredient amounts are improvisational)

1 onion, chopped
garlic, lots, chopped
olive oil
ground turkey
tomato sauce
a couple of fresh tomatoes from the garden, chopped
2 cans Trader Joe’s Cuban black beans (with the liquid- it includes some yummy spices)
2 T almond butter
1 T cocoa
1 green pepper, chopped
2 large carrots, chopped
chili powder (and berbere if you dare)
fresh cilantro
Himalayan salt, if needed
Ground almonds to sprinkle on top

Heat up the onion and garlic in a large pot until onions are soft and everything smells good. Add the turkey and cook on low. When the turkey is almost cooked add some tomato sauce, the fresh tomatoes, the black beans with juice and some water. Stir in the almond butter and cocoa when everything is nice and hot. Add the green pepper and carrots. Sprinkle in chili powder, as much as you dare. We are used to spicy Ethiopia food now so I use berbere and chili powder. Yum. Add fresh cilantro and serve. Sprinkle with ground almonds. Even better the second day.





Tomorrow is my CSA pick up so we have very little greens left. I wanted something raw so this is what I came up with. I am in the middle of an elimination diet so I can’t have dairy. The avocado mayo was listed on the elimination work sheet my doctor gave me. I thought it would be a good coleslaw alternative to regular mayo. I was right. The color is so pretty and the taste is good too.

Beet Coleslaw

½ red cabbage
4 or five radishes
one large beet or several small beets
salt and pepper
avocado mayonnaise

Grate the first three ingredients. Add salt and pepper to taste and add a few tablespoons of avocado mayo. Love that color.


Avocado Mayonnaise

1 avocado
½ cup olive oil *
2 garlic cloves
1 t chopped onion
1 t curry powder
¼ cup water

Blend all ingredients in a food processor at high speed until smooth. Chill.
* the original recipe called for 1 cup of olive oil. I changed it to ½ cup olive oil plus ¼ cup of water. Add more water if it seems too thick.


My nana was famous for her coleslaw. Whenever my mother tried to make her recipe she always lamented that it was never as good as Nana's. One day my mom saw her secretly adding sugar to the coleslaw. Imagine, holding out on your own daughter! If you want a little boost to this recipe, try adding a little sugar or honey. (but don't tell anyone!)

When I was dying

This is my kidney.
This is what I thought was my kidney on cancer.
This is my kidney with a renal deformity, cause unknown.



I love thunderstorms- the heavy boom of thunder that vibrates in my chest. The storm is directly overhead. Lightening illuminates the room the same time the thunder crashes. Nature mirroring my feelings. 5 am, the rare time when I am alone, a time for me to check in with myself. Here I am.


This is my summer of dying.
I had not been feeling well for a long time. It was a slow progression that I tried to ignore. Finally, it had gotten so bad I couldn't ignore it. I went to the doctor and the circus began. During staff training in June I had the first ultrasound, which led to a CAT scan and an unexpected diagnosis: urothelial neoplasm of the left kidney-a rare and deadly form of cancer. It felt surreal. My kidneys were not part of my health complaint. Everyone seemed to feel that this cancer was an accidental finding and not related to my symptoms. When I tried to discuss my symptoms again with my doctor his response was “the cancer trumps everything else” Great. So, feeling horrible and adding a 10 to 20% survival rate for this type of cancer to the mix, I begin proactive treatments prescribe by my doctor: IV vitamin drips, home injections and mega-doses of vitamins and herbs and I start shopping around for the best surgeon.

Things slowed down, even before I cleared my schedule. There was a heightened state of awareness with everything I did. I frantically reached out to some friends for help in the beginning and then stopped. I kept thinking of the line from J.D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye, “Don’t ever tell anyone anything. If you do, you will start missing everyone.“ Instead I cocooned myself with my children. I realized I have been missing myself for a long time. When did this start to happen? I see another doctor, I have another test. This doc says he is ‘under whelmed’ but still talks about the surgery procedure. When the kids are sleeping I read Love, Medicine and Miracles by Dr. Bernie Segal and Ken Wilber’s Grace and Grit. During my low moments I imagine others who could mother my children and think perhaps they would do a better job. I eat raw; I buy wheatgrass. I contemplate a surgery that will remove my left kidney and ureter. I question everything in my life. I mull over Siegel’s list of characteristics of cancer survivors and know I am missing many of them and wonder how to obtain them quickly. I have an MRI and head to Jefferson hospital to see one of the countries best kidney surgeons. His diagnosis: Renal deformity, not cancer.

“You have a new lease on life”, my family and doctors tell me. I stare at my shelf of megavitamins; I continue reading Grace and Grit. I am greatly relieved yet, I can’t come out of this quiet place. I still feel as bad physically as when this circus started weeks ago and I am surviving without the characteristics of a survivor. What does that mean for how I am living and for what I am teaching my children? How do I get back to where I need to be? So now, round two starts- trying to make it through each day and trying to find out what is going so wrong in my body. I start each day feeling like I just took two sleeping pills (and I haven’t!).

Every illness is a gift, an opportunity to recognize a wrong path taken, and energy lost. I spend the rest of the summer following the trajectory of my life and trying to heal my body and comfort my mind. I spend most days alone with my children. We create our own world and although I didn’t think it was possible, my love for them grows. I investigate my paths taken and not, my jobs, my relationships, my dreams, my achievements; I dissect my short comings, my fears. I tune into my body and try to remember who I am. Somehow I have gotten lost, which is okay because it is reminding me where I need to be. I am learning to listen to myself again. I start reading random old journals for clues. I find my old notes from Joseph Aldo, the medical intuitive I worked with in NYC and have a reawakening. Slowly, slowly, I start to come out of this. I start to feel a little better. My doctor appointments are now secondary to my own intuition for what my body needs. I work on cleansing my body and quieting my mind. I revive my daily meditation practice. I start to take back my life.

The Past Four Months, continued

Updating my blog has been very cathartic for me. This has been a very unusual summer. Thinking back over the last few months, it felt as though I never left the house except for doctor’s appointments. It was fun to go through the photos, post them and relive the fun we have had together. I am so blessed to have this great family. Cocooning at home with my family was the best choice I could have made this summer.

The photos aren't in any particular order. The following two posts cover events from April to August.

My sister Barb was washing our parent's porch furniture. Nigel couldn't resist helping.










I hate shopping. I used to shop for a living when I was a photographic stylist in NYC. Whenever I have to shop I still feel like I am working. We ran into Old Navy to get shoes for Nigel. He is growing so fast! Mikaela said, "mom, take my picture." So I did. Thanks for making shopping fun, Mikaela.




My dad's 80th birthday August 5th
Happy Birthday daddy. We love you.


My sister Kris and her daughter, Kaitlyn


Cousin Dylan and Mikaela


my mom and Mikaela


Nigel getting some Aunt Barbara love



Motherhood 101: don't let your children put plastic bags over their heads. I took it right off after I took the picture, I swear.


Let me in!


Nigel hides under the pole bean tepee


Mikaela teaches Nigel to ride.



Nigel loves to ride and eat


Such good friends



Park Time




Ribbit!






Michael instructs Mikaela about the physics of siphoning as he attempts to empty the pool. In the process he learns that life would be easier with a smaller hose.




Our Fruit Fest
When my sister Kris heard I was sick she sent fruit flowers. Yum. We all felt better after that.





Father's Day when the damn husband gets to be king (for the day)


My pop. He has always been the king in my life. Never could I have wished for a better father. I miss his funny sense of humor, I miss our chats, I miss our political disagreements. I miss everything about him. Alzheimers is a cruel disease.



June Balloon Fest








Mikaela tried hula hooping with her necklace


Prize Duck




Happy Siblings


Anyone who knows Mikaela knows she is horse crazy. Loves, loves her horses!! She has taught Nigel well. He makes an excellent owner and he also knows how to whinny and canter. Quite funny to see. Who knew I would be raising equines more than I would be raising children. Thanks to Aunt Kris, Mikaela was able to spend a week at horse camp. What a blast! Her friend Maya was also at camp which made it even better.











Swimming in the backyard


Mikaela works on making clay out of ashes.




Gotta love a guy that can sweat a heart




One cool dude







He loves phones!


Always on the move, my beautiful, happy boy