When Anger Reigns

It is often a surprise for me, this anger that suddenly comes from nowhere and boils inside me. When everything is going wrong I do well maintaining my equilibrium. Through the gas leak, through the purchase of a new stove we can’t afford, when Nigel and Mikaela are at each other about everything and the Damn Husband is stomping around late for work, when my health goes haywire again, when my parents are sick and need attention- I manage to keep my cool through it all. But when things seem calm, it is then I feel a rage in me building at little things, at the computer mouse that won’t work, at Wanda barking, at the overflowing laundry pile. Here I am trying to hold my own beach ball underwater. Everything irritates.

I grab Thich Nhat Hahh’s book Anger, Wisdom for Cooling the Flames. I randomly open the book. The first sentence I read reminds me that I need to embrace this feeling instead of fighting it. Embrace it. I remember reading at another time how he suggests holding your anger the way you would hold a crying baby.

“Breathing in, I know that anger has manifested in me. Hello, my little anger. And breathing out, I will take good care of you.”

I realize in trying to meet everyone else's needs I have forgotten to tend to my own anger. I close the book and open it again to a chapter entitled Making Your Unwanted Guests Feel at Home.

“When you remove the embargo and the blocks of pain come up you will have to suffer a bit. There is no way to avoid it. And that is why the Buddha said that you have to learn how to embrace this pain. It is for this reason that the practice of mindfulness is so important. You generate a strong source of energy so that you can recognize, embrace, and take care of those negative energies.”

The facing page gives the Buddha’s practice of the Five Remembrances:

* I am of the nature to grow old. I cannot escape old age.

* I am of the nature to have ill health. I cannot escape ill health.

* I am of the nature to die. I cannot escape dying.

* All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. I cannot keep anything. I came here empty-handed, and I go empty-handed.

* My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand.

I breathe in.

I breathe out.

Amazing how ten minutes can tame a tiger.

Thank you, Thich Nhat Hanh.