A miracle has happened and Temesgen is sleeping soundly. (Although I will probably pay for this in the middle of the night.) I wanted to try to do one last update for everyone since I left you all hanging in Ethiopia right before Christmas. I wrote an update while I was still there but the internet and phones were down for the rest of our time there so I never sent it and I have not had any computer time since I came home. No surprise there!. I spoke with my sweet friend Elizabeth today and she urged me to forget about the other things on my plate and try to write about what has happened. The updates from our last days in Ethiopia are first followed by whatever I get to type quickly before Temesgen wakes up. Forgive me for choppy writing. I am not going to have any time for edits or revisions so this will be stream-of-whatever-consciousness I have left.
January 8th Thursday night
Contrasts
It is 3am here and I cannot sleep. In the US it is day. I have two African children because the world is unfair to some and fair to others. In the US we are broke, we are struggling to lead the middle class American life and in Africa we are rich. I now have secrets that I can tell no one. I am no longer sure that I am doing the right thing. I am trying to control my own breathing as I listen to the breath of Michael and Temesgen as they sleep.
I am sleepless for many reasons. Thoughts are spinning through my head so fast. I am mostly lost in thoughts about Yaebsira’s mother. Michael says Temesgen’s mother made the same choice as Yaebsira’s and I see this is true, but I never met her. I never held her hand, saw her kiss his picture or hugged her.
I am again facing the same powerlessness I felt as a child when I was told to eat all my food because there are people starving in Ethiopia and there was no way for me to help them. As a child, I remember thinking, how can eating more food help them? And now here I am in Ethiopia. I can’t feed all the people that beg at our car and I cannot save Yaebsira’s mother. At home I am poor and here I am rich and blessed above others and sleepless. Mixed in with my blessings is a sadness that is pulling me apart.
I need a distraction. I will try to tell you about some of the things that have happened. On Tuesday we brought Temesgen back to the hotel with us so we woke up with him on Christmas morning. It was exactly what Mikaela had asked for. Many months ago she said maybe we will get Temesgen for Christmas. She meant our Christmas but we were happy to have him as an Ethiopian Christmas present. I feel blessed beyond belief to have this beautiful, smart baby boy as our son. I can’t stop staring at him and kissing him.
The Christmas celebration at the orphanage was wonderful. I still can’t believe I was lucky enough to be a part of it. We were pretty tired. Every time Temesgen moved, I woke up, since I was not used to being with him and there were Ethiopian prayers and singing from a nearby loud speaker until 4am. Our friends Holly and Kenneth arrived at Hope early enough to witness the demise of our sheep. I have heard they have pictures but I have not seen them. The event happened in the same small court yard where all the children were. In the end nothing was wasted. They use every part of the sheep in some fashion. The Christmas meal consisted of many different forms of mutton. It is best that I did not know what parts I was eating.
When we first arrived at Axum, the new orphanage, it was relatively quiet. Only the babies were there and the staff and friends were busy running around preparing food and decorating.
They gave all the adoptive parents traditional, Ethiopian shirts to wear. Soon a bus arrived with all the older children. Chairs had been set up all around and the children arrived wearing new t-shirts that were color-coordinated to their age group. Yaebsira wore a bright green t-shirt with Amharic words that were translated to me as ‘pride in Ethiopia’. She was clutching an old plastic doll, not the one I had given her yesterday. Instead of sitting with her group she came and sat with Michael and me on the couch. The room became so crowded that it was almost impossible to move. Periodically she would skip away to join her new friends or dance and when she returned she would have a little piece of a cookie or lollipop that she would share with Michael or me. The children sang Ethiopian Christmas music and played various games. One included a string with a bead on it. Two children would stand together with an end of the string in their mouth and try to eat the string. The child to arrive at the bead first won. There was another game where they had to peel and eat a banana without using their hands and another one that was similar to our musical chairs. They moved the toddlers to the porch so that there was some space in the middle for dancing. Ethiopian dancing involves a great deal of shoulder movement back and forth while bobbing. The caretakers and the children danced together. Yaebsira danced with me and laughed as I tried to imitate the rapid shoulder action. We brought out our big suitcase filled with gifts and supplies and started to give them out. They called the teacher over and she cried when she saw all the school posters Barb had gotten for them and was very thankful for the flash cards. Another caregiver hugged the pile of scrubs Barb had collected. I wish you could have been here Barb to see how happy you made everyone with the donations you gave me to deliver. Next they dragged the suitcase into the main area in the middle of the children and we started to give out the beanie babies, necklaces, bracelet’s, balls, stickers and ballerinas. All the children sat and waited patiently until they were handed something. The only time there was any pushing was when we started to blow bubbles in the court yard and all the children tried to catch the bubbles and wanted a turn to try the ridiculous fish bubble blower we had bought in Italy. For the next trip I have to figure out how to bring a lot more bubbles for the children. How do they get forty some children age one to ten to sit in a room without moving, fighting or crying for hours? Finally the children were all served their food. They sat happily with their plates in their laps, eating with their right hands. I never saw any of the children spill anything or get any food on their clothes. Another miraculous feat. When all the children were done eating they served us. First they went around with a plastic bowl and pitcher so we could wash our hands. They delivered injera first, the fermented Ethiopian bread that is the staple of their diet. Next they kept arriving with different dishes to pile on top. I had been so nervous to eat the sheep but all the dishes were spicy and amazing. If you could see the kitchen where they produced all of this food you would not believe it. It was so small. They had to wash the children’s dishes outside in the courtyard at a pump so they could serve us. They started the coffee ceremony afterwards which takes a couple of hours. They roast the beans over a small fire then grind them by hand. The coffee is the best I have ever had with a faint taste of cardamom. We tried to call Mikaela when we got home but the phones were down and so was the internet.
The next day we dropped Temesgen off at Axum and headed to Bethel orphanage for the day. We drove for almost two hours to reach Bethel. Our throats were raw from the diesel fumes. When we finally arrived it was like discovering an oasis. Bethel is tucked into the side of a mountain. The air there is fresh and clean. There are fields and grass for the children to play. I wish all the children could be moved here. When we arrived they were in English class. They sat quietly and stared at me shyly. I delivered the cards and notes I had from some of their adoptive parents and took pictures of them. I felt the sadness of some of the older boys who do not have referrals, as they watched this. There are so many older children waiting for families. We met Esayas the ten year old boy that we sponsor. My heart ached to bring him home also. I gave the caretakers a big suitcase filled with writing supplies, sneakers and clothes. The children raced to the main house with the suitcase and soon all were undressing and trying on all the clothes and sneakers and then a fashion show evolved. Their shyness was completely gone and they modeled for me shouting “mom, take this picture” and they would pose again and again. We played soccer with all the new balls we brought and too soon it was time to go and make it through the diesel fumes again. By the time we made it back to Axum it was too late to go to the Hope and see Yaebsira. I was cursing the moving of the babies. I only have one more day with Yaebsira until sometime in March. I am acutely aware that all of this could change also.
When we returned to Axum there were several new babies. One still had the umbilical cord attached. Several were so tiny it was hard to believe they were alive. Some I know might not make it. The first day we arrived I delivered preemie formula for a baby named Abush. His American mama had shipped it to me to deliver. When I asked about him the caretakers just shrugged. Later that day I learned he had died the day before. Hopefully his formula will be helpful for these babies.
Last night we ate in the restaurant attached to the hotel. Apparently Thursday night is dance night in Addis. The music was so loud I couldn’t hear what anyone was saying at our table. My stomach was tied in knots and I could not eat. Temesgen was sleeping in the sling. How could he sleep through this noise? I recognized many of the songs but they have been altered to have a salsa beat and many couples were dancing. The salsa version of Hotel California was pretty funny. It was so dark they brought us candles when it is time to pay our bill.
Temesgen is crying and I need to go get him something to eat. By the time you read this we will be at the airport getting ready to fly home.
Donna
Traveling Home January 9th and 10th
The trip home was as surreal as the trip there. It takes forever and you feel as though time has stopped. Temesgen was a trooper. The only problem was his excessive diarrhea. We were lucky to have security so tight; otherwise I think our fellow passengers would have impaled us with any sharp object to be found. I can’t even imagine what that plane smelled like by the time we got off. We ran out of diapers before we reached Washington. We had gone through 9 outfits and 17 diapers since we left the hotel. Not pretty. Michael and I became a well-organized diaper changing duo relying on teamwork and large garbage bags across our laps. If you are ever going on a 20 something hour plan ride with an infant, let me know. We will share our much-practiced technique.
This time we made it through all security checks and customs without any problems. It cracks me up how serious and stern all the American customs officials are. In Italy and Ethiopia they were friendly and relaxed. I guess the Americans think if they look and act mean enough you might get nervous and confess. Yes! I got on the plane with a lethal weapon: it was my odorous son who could make a grown man weep with a single bowel movement.
We finally arrived in Philadelphia and were greeted by our beautiful daughter, Mikaela, my sister Barb and my in laws. I cried all the way down the escalator waiting to hug them. The rest you heard about in my father in law’s End Game report. Well, the end game for them is only the beginning for us.
When we arrived home to our very happy dog, we received more surprises. Mikaela’s very messy playroom had been transformed into a baby friendly romping ground complete with a wonderful welcome home banner and the third floor junk room had been changed into a private un-baby area playroom escape for Mikaela. She was so excited. I still can’t believe Lisa and Megan did this. Believe me, this was no easy feat. I am scared to go to our third floor because it is such a crazy insane mess. I can’t believe the bravery of these two incredible organized women. How did you do that? I bow to your power and your kindness. Mikaela loves the third floor space so much!!!
Sunday, January 18th
Is it possible that we have been home one week? It felt like one long day with short naps in between. Temesgen and I are still getting to know each other. I love the way he smiles at me. He pulls himself up, stands and wobbles back and forth and then falls back on his bottom and tries it again. I keep telling him it is too soon to walk but he is not listening. If he is not trying to walk then he wants to be held all the time. As would be expected, he is going through some tremendous stress and grief from all the changes he is going through. I am trying to call forth my super mama powers and split myself between Mikaela’s needs and Temesgen’s needs and stay in the moment. I am trying to remember how to get things done with one hand. We have had some very comical moments. He loves being in the sling but he has an incredible arm reach and grabs things so fast!! I tried to carry him in the sling on my back thinking I could then get more done. Wrong. He picks up things I can’t see. With lightening speed he managed to pick up a pot on the counter behind me and slam me over the head with it. Eh, baby, knock some sense into your mama and make me realize my To-Do list will only consist of being in the moment with my kids. That is really the hardest part, isn’t it? The stress comes from me having a different agenda from them. IF I can just let go of wanting to get something done, everything slows down and becomes easier. Unfortunately I am a doer so this is a hard lesson. Last night I ignored the laundry, the dishes and my messy house; I forgot about working on my plan for OC photography, the stress of trying to balance my obligations with my family’s needs and the 1400 emails that have piled up while I was gone. Mikaela put on a dress that she loves to dance in- it has a full skirt that spins- and we all danced to African music in the living room. Temesgen loved it. I don’t allow myself enough moments like this. Always, I feel behind in what I am ‘suppose’ to do- behind on birthday cards, thank you notes, organizing and laundry is piled so high it is falling off the chair. It is the contrast of what I think my life should be and what it actually is. And into this life came a nine-month-old baby. It is an odd experience to suddenly have a very active crawling, near walking babe in the house. He is my son and also a stranger. When you start with a newborn, you know they will be in the same spot where you put them down and you get a slow progression of activity. Temesgen’s energy level is startling. Mikaela is a great big sister. For the most part she has taken all the changes in stride and really enjoys him. She did have one maxed out episode during our first few sleepless nights. She sat up in bed about 3am and screamed, ”This is ridiculous. I can’t live like this. He is way too loud!!” And I was right there with her!! It was ridiculous!!! It is crazy loud in this house sometimes. On Friday I brought Temesgen into the Open Program when I dropped Mikaela off. Julia invited us to stay for a little bit and have the YP meet Temesgen. It was wonderful. It was a great experience for Mikaela to be able to share our experience with her friends. Thanks Julia. I miss everyone in the Friday Open and am sad to know I won’t be able to be in there again. (Not for a few years anyway.)
So here we are, still trying to sort out all of our Ethiopian experiences and hoping to travel to pick up our daughter sometime in March or April. It will be a big relief to have my family all on one continent. There are some experiences that change you forever. I am in the middle of such an experience and I feel as though my entire spirit is transforming. Sometimes it feels like the worse kind of growing pains and other times I feel as light as air and as strong as a lion. I am grateful for everyone. Your support has made this so much easier for me. I have been blessed with your wonderful meals, your supportive emails and calls. Thank you for being there for me, I couldn’t make it through all this without you.
Love,
Donna
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