vade retro atrum pars

(Latin, “go back, Dark Side”), to repel evil or bad luck.

 

The deliverance ceremony will begin tonight at midnight and is expected to last until the early hours of the New Year. I have tried many other times to coax her out with logical thinking and compassion and now I have no choice but  to resort to drastic measures. Sometimes nonviolent communication just doesn’t work.  Most of the time she is annoying but under control. Since she has become increasingly unruly of late I have decided that serious action is necessary. 

Enough is enough. She must leave; I will no longer tolerate her.

The dark side of me, my evil twin, the Hungry Ghost, the one that is at times painfully obsequious  and driven by other’s approval, the one who wakes up in the middle of the night stressed  about changing friendships and obscure thoughts of impending doom, the one who second guesses everything and reads way too much into other peoples actions; this troublesome, tormented spirit is being violently exorcised from my body in a sacred ceremony at midnight tonight.  With her will go the feelings of powerlessness, relatively  innocuous addictions and victimhood and all traces of my mother.  I believe DS is also responsible for most of the disorder and clutter around my house, but I can’t be sure. Time will tell on that one. I will miss the excuse she gave me for not reaching my true potential  but this thought too should be gone by tomorrow morning. 

The need for an exorcism is nothing to be ashamed of. It can happen to the best of us. To quote Wikipedia:

“Mother Teresa allegedly underwent an exorcism late in life under the direction of the Archbishop of Calcutta, Henry D'Souza, after he noticed she seemed to be extremely agitated in her sleep and feared she "might be under the attack of the evil one."^[35] 

I look forward to a long and restful sleep.

A home puja will be set up to ensure that DS (Dark Side) will not be able to return.  DS  is already wild and frantic and suspecting the worse so I would not recommend any visitations at this heightened emotional time.

Already prepared and collected for tonight’s event are the Atharva Veda, containing the secrets related to magic and medicine,the Bhagavata Purana, a large collection of mantras from various traditions along with amulets and talismans, sage and other cleansing herbs, the Zen  Daibutchô-ju  spell, holy water, incense and blowing conches used in puja and the  Garuda Purana just in case although I highly doubt it will be necessary and of course all Catholic exorcism necessities near and dear to my heart including, the document Of Exorcisms and Certain Supplications.  Mix it all together with a strong will to change and I hope it will be a New Year to remember.

By Friday I should be lighter, visibly calmer and more centered with a possible glow about me. Without DS holding me back and taking up so much space in my mind, I can not wait to see where my creativity, my wild sense of adventure and my strong will, my compassion for myself and others will take me. 2010 will be the best year ever.

My best to all my friends. May the new year bring out your best side and may all your dreams come true.

 

 

 

 

Mikaela’s World

“Mommy, wouldn’t it be great if there was a pause button on the wall and we could push it and make the day stand still? Then we could just stay in bed and snuggle and the sun wouldn’t come up yet.”

I would be pushing that pause button today!

Still relishing the memory of date night…

There were people who saw us who didn’t even know we were parents.

A kid-free 18 hours.

An hour late, much crying (the kids not me) and finally we were on our way.

oh,  I needed that cocktail.

The work party was at the Curtis Center

Date night with a work party thrown in. For me, it was not the reason for the date, but what I had to go through to get the date. You never know what you will learn. We were in the dessert line with a couple who were married in a corn maze. I was trying to chat and be friendly but I had to turn around after I heard about the matching t-shirts that said “bride” and “groom”.  I tried to plaster my happy smile to my face but I really didn’t trust my facial features to be able to keep it up.  A corn maze. Did the guests have to try to find their way to the wedding or out of it? I decided I really like my husband’s boss when her comment was, “oh, corn maze, isn’t that redundant?”

Looking up was quite a sight

 

A little entertainment

 

Such a beautiful dress

Dueling photographers. I wonder what his shot looks like.

I wanted to take the wheatgrass home after the party for juicing.

Mr Karaoke.  My Damn Husband really should be a lounge singer. He’s got it down.

 

He’s really working those eyebrows

Finally, off to the Omni

Damn Husband: “Put the camera away”

He recovers from too many gin and tonics

Breakfast at FARMiCiA was so yummy.  Their homemade granola is worth a trip into the city.

Chemical Heritage. This is worth another trip into Philly.

Philly is a really sweet city

18 hours over too soon.

Photo Workshop #4: Portraits

For the full photo assignment description go to Rose Note’s fabulous blog.

I think I covered all areas. Everyone in the family is angry with me. I should be “dressing to impress” right now since we are late for my husband’s work party and instead I am half-dressed and trying to post this before I leave. We are staying over in the city and the kids are sleeping over at their grandparents. This is my first date sleep over with my husband since…forever. I can’t remember the last time and here I am unpacked,  and not exactly looking like I am trying to impress anyone.  What I wish I could do is continue working on the tons of ideas I have for this assignment.  Below is a mix of new shots and revamped shots for this assignment. Impressive that I managed this much in between working, nursing kids with chicken pox and “dressing to impress.” Too bad I don’t have time to take the pre-work party photos for this assignment but I know I won’t get to put on makeup until we are in the car. Should look great attempting this in the dark with only the small mirror on the car visor. At least I won’t be the one driving. I will look forward to everyone else’s photos when I get back on Saturday night.

No Face Assignment:

Create five telling portraits of five different people, without including the face of the subject.

 

This was fun. I just kept working on this to avoid doing the self portraits.

The local Christmas parade came in handy.

A teen homeschool prom

my sweet girl

Nigel, surprisingly color coordinated

 

friends

 

 

 

ah, could anything be harder than self-portraits? Not for me.  I hate having my picture taken almost as much as I hate dressing up and going to my husband’s office party.  Ugh. I am so bad at dressing up. The only look I am good at now is sloppy motherhood, stains and all.

 

I started by playing with Photoshop. I think I look good in green and black. It sort of accentuates my evil side. Love that liquefy feature.

Joking with my signature black turtleneck that is like my Linus blanket. I am good at hiding and it was freezing.  I love this picture.  I like that it doesn’t look like my arm is stretched out holding a camera.  

 

Mikaela drew this portrait of me and I photographed it hanging on the mirror.

My daughter took this picture for me when I was at work. The deer photos in the background were taken by a brilliant nature photographer, Barbara Kidder. I love her work (and her)

 

 

Well, I didn’t put on makeup but I did set up the room lighting. The teens at our homeschooling resource center were having a prom and I set up the library as a photo studio. I wish I could post all the great pics. The teens are so beautiful and they looked so sweet dressed up.  (see, I would much rather be taking photos of other people) The two headless dressy shots above are from the same set up. I made the Damn Husband join me, It looks like I am about to knock him over.  I didn’t have time to pose this way and that, I just jumped in had someone click and jumped out to continue taking the pictures of the teens who were much more fun.

 

So, surprising additions. I didn’t think I would get to post any more tonight but, the Damn Husband is snoring away on our king size bed in the Omni Hotel. He wore himself out singing Karaoke tonight and I pacified myself by taking pictures.  A good time had by all.  I still never managed to take a good dressed up Martha Stuart/ Good Morning America shot that was part of the assignment. Oh well, there is always next year’s Christmas party…

It is freezing out. The big puff coat ruins the dressed up look hiding underneath but a girl has to stay warm. This was taken in the elevator of the Omni.

 

 

more fun with mirrors

 

 

A Little Photography Fun

I heard about these photography assignments from Lisa at Earth Mama.  Thanks Lisa.  I missed the deadlines for the first three but that didn’t stop me from putting something together this weekend. Maybe I will be on time for assignment #4. Maybe not.

The assignments were created by Bloom and Rose Note’s and were inspired by Chris Orwig’s book, Visual Poetry.

The first assignment was to create a color quilt. Or in my case, several photo quilts. (I was making up for being late)  For more assignment details check this out.

Assignment #1: Quilts of Color

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assignment #2: Environmental Portraits

Last night I was ready to download all my assignments when I reread this assignment and saw that I was suppose to include a self-portrait.  I found all my inspiration for this one in the living room after midnight. I threw it together really fast and I like the result. Sometimes it works when I don’t over-think things too much.

 

Mikaela was fun to do.

My sweet boy, Nigel.

I am going to have to think a bit more before creating one for the Damn Husband.

 

 

Assignment #3: Select a Theme

The weather was on my side for this assignment.  My themes altered with my mood. For me it was a fun progression. I will let you decide what themes resonate with you when you look at them.

 

 

Thank you Bloom and Rose Note’s for a wonderful and creative weekend.

why blog?

I spent the last week blog searching. I started with blogs that I like and followed  the links for the blogs they like and the other people who follow them. Hundreds of blogs.  I found blogs on crafting, living simple, Buddhism, depression, mommy bloggers, daddy bloggers. I found angry bloggers and total optimists; sometimes they were friends, halves that complete each other.  I read art blogs, photo blogs, adoption blogs, food blogs, dog blogs, homeschooling blogs and geeky blogs.

Some depress me. There are many teen angst blogs that suddenly stop after months of wailing about how bad their lives are. Did their lives get better so they stopped writing or worse so they couldn’t? Where do they go after they stop writing? Their thoughts still linger on the internet, captured sadness floating in cyber space.  And then there are the perfect blogs. The ones who have organic gardens and perfect children and craft all day in total bliss. Nothing ever goes wrong with their blog lives. Sometimes it is fun to escape and read about their fairy tale lives. If I spend too long on them I start to get that uncomfortable feeling I get when I read too many fashion magazines- I start feeling like Quasimodo reading about an unattainable world that leaves me lacking. (of course, I secretly want to be them)

Thirty two people read my blog today and left no comments.  I have no idea what they were looking for and I do not know if they found it. Looking over so many blogs I wonder, why blog?  Why not just keep a diary?  Why write at all? According to research done in 2008:

• 133 million – The number of blogs on the Internet (as tracked by Technorati).
• 900,000 – The number of new blog posts in a day.
• 329 million – The number of blog posts in 2008.

I can only imagine how much those numbers have increased in the past year. 

When I can’t sleep like tonight I wander through blogs.  I read the blogger whose husband went out for a bike ride and returned to her a paraplegic. She writes honestly about how they are slowly putting the shattered pieces of their lives back together a year later. I have never met her but I know more about her life than I know about many of my friends I see weekly. When sadness overtakes me I read her blog because I know she understands. Grief comes in all forms and has a mutual understanding.

Sunday was the year anniversary for our referral for our Ethiopian daughter. Although she is ‘legally’ our daughter we will probably never see her again.  I can’t believe how much pain I am feeling. It closes in on me and I can hardly breath. I tried to spend Thanksgiving being grateful for the many blessings in my life but my heart was grieving. How do we get over the things that happen to us in our life?  We get by with the help of our friends and by facing the little pieces everyday.  On Monday, still unable to see my way through this I read Pain, Pain Go Away written by Elissa Elliott, a guest blogger at Cheerio Road and I found the community I needed. I spent the morning with her and the others that commented about her post and shared similar experience. 

Heart,
I implore you,
it’s time to come back
from the dark,

(thank you, Mary Oliver)

I feel very grateful for the bloggers that share their lives with me. My life is enriched because of it.

Right now my son Nigel keeps peaking his head out from under my desk and pulling on my pant leg. “Hello mommy.”  He makes me laugh. So, kids first, then blogging. This will always be my order which is why I can not manage to post everyday and I still don’t know what all the tags are that so many bloggers have on their sites:  Digg Thiis, Save to del.icio.us, Tweet This. I don’t tell people to follow me on Facebook (follow me where?) because I haven’t been on Facebook for weeks.  (And can someone please explain the give aways?)

Why do I blog? Because it helps me sort through things, because I like to find words for my life.  I like connecting with others.  Life is often messy. It helps to have friends.

I will leave you with a random group of other bloggers that are worth checking out. Stop and have a cup of tea with them. Thanks for coming to see me.

How are you? Really?

http://cadernobranco.wordpress.com/

http://tinyhouseblog.com/

http://www.doodlersanonymous.com/

http://www.photographyblogger.net/

http://madebyanmarie.blogspot.com/

http://angrychicken.typepad.com/angry_chicken/

http://vintagesimplehome.blogspot.com/

http://orangette.blogspot.com/

http://www.artistswhoblog.blogspot.com/

http://hulaseventy.blogspot.com/

http://www.fatjuicyoyster.com/

http://myamericanmeltingpot.blogspot.com/

enjoy

Hair Inspiration

I was wandering through some hair blogs again and came across some advice for boys (finally!) at Happy Girl Hair. Although I haven’t decide that I want to go with locs yet, I love the look of twists so I decided to give it a try. She offers links to two sites for more information-Notty Boy and Cool Men’s Hair. Neither of the links worked so I tried to google Notty Boys but ended up at a scary site about two knotty boys and the women they tie up (some really beautiful looking knots but ewww! so not what I was looking for).

I explored a few You Tube videos and gave it a try. I wet and conditioned his hair, combed it out and twisted groups of hair, added shea butter to the tips. It was fun to do and I love the look. It took quite a while and was challenging considering Nigel was never still. He was a trouper because I let him play with the water in the sink the whole time. By the end we were soaked but it was worth it.

Happy Girl Hair also has a post about Nadia Sleep Caps which seem like a good idea to keep his hair in order when he sleeps. The hair on the sides and back of his head is much shorter than the hair on top so when he sleeps it usually knots up or frizzes from moving around in the bed. What can I do to keep all his twists in order until I get a sleep cap in the mail? The sleep caps are made from swim suit material…

When the Damn Husband comes home he noticed Nigel’s new ‘do’ right away, which is unusually observant for him.

DH: Wow, His hair looks awesome. Did Gete (my Ethiopian friend) come over and do his hair?

Me: (trying not to sound indignant) No. I did his hair.

DH: Really?

Me: Yes. Really.

DH: It looks really cool.

Me: It took a long time and I really want to have it stay in. They recommend using a sleep cap which they describe as a cap made from swim suit material. I thought we could improvise until I order one. There is a bathing suit bottom on the changing table that was Mikaela’s when she was a toddler. Put that on him before you put him to bed. (I was going out with a girlfriend– highly unusual for me)

DH: Put that on him?

Me: Yes, on his head.

DH starts to laugh.

Me: Michael, you can’t laugh when you put it on him. Try to be subtle and put it on him casually after you turn out the lights.

More laughter.

Me: Michael.

DH: Okay. Where is it? What does it look like.

Mikaela: Daddy,I know where it is; I’ll show you. It is pink polka dots.

More laughter. DH squishes up his eyes and his shoulders are shaking.

Me: No one is going to see him in it.

DH: How do I put it on him?

Me: You put the waistband over his head and the leg holes just sort of stick up in the air, but that won’t matter.

The conversation ends there because he is laughing so hard he is crying.

I wasn’t surprised to find the pseudo-cap at the bottom of the bed when I got home. I had more twisting practice this morning.