Thursday, December 31, 2009

vade retro atrum pars

(Latin, “go back, Dark Side”), to repel evil or bad luck.


The deliverance ceremony will begin tonight at midnight and is expected to last until the early hours of the New Year. I have tried many other times to coax her out with logical thinking and compassion and now I have no choice but  to resort to drastic measures. Sometimes nonviolent communication just doesn’t work.  Most of the time she is annoying but under control. Since she has become increasingly unruly of late I have decided that serious action is necessary. 

Enough is enough. She must leave; I will no longer tolerate her.

The dark side of me, my evil twin, the Hungry Ghost, the one that is at times painfully obsequious  and driven by other’s approval, the one who wakes up in the middle of the night stressed  about changing friendships and obscure thoughts of impending doom, the one who second guesses everything and reads way too much into other peoples actions; this troublesome, tormented spirit is being violently exorcised from my body in a sacred ceremony at midnight tonight.  With her will go the feelings of powerlessness, relatively  innocuous addictions and victimhood and all traces of my mother.  I believe DS is also responsible for most of the disorder and clutter around my house, but I can’t be sure. Time will tell on that one. I will miss the excuse she gave me for not reaching my true potential  but this thought too should be gone by tomorrow morning. 

The need for an exorcism is nothing to be ashamed of. It can happen to the best of us. To quote Wikipedia:

“Mother Teresa allegedly underwent an exorcism late in life under the direction of the Archbishop of Calcutta, Henry D'Souza, after he noticed she seemed to be extremely agitated in her sleep and feared she "might be under the attack of the evil one."[35] 

I look forward to a long and restful sleep.

A home puja will be set up to ensure that DS (Dark Side) will not be able to return.  DS  is already wild and frantic and suspecting the worse so I would not recommend any visitations at this heightened emotional time.

Already prepared and collected for tonight’s event are the Atharva Veda, containing the secrets related to magic and medicine,the Bhagavata Purana, a large collection of mantras from various traditions along with amulets and talismans, sage and other cleansing herbs, the Zen  Daibutchô-ju  spell, holy water, incense and blowing conches used in puja and the  Garuda Purana just in case although I highly doubt it will be necessary and of course all Catholic exorcism necessities near and dear to my heart including, the document Of Exorcisms and Certain Supplications.  Mix it all together with a strong will to change and I hope it will be a New Year to remember.

By Friday I should be lighter, visibly calmer and more centered with a possible glow about me. Without DS holding me back and taking up so much space in my mind, I can not wait to see where my creativity, my wild sense of adventure and my strong will, my compassion for myself and others will take me. 2010 will be the best year ever.

My best to all my friends. May the new year bring out your best side and may all your dreams come true.





Friday, December 18, 2009

Mikaela’s World

“Mommy, wouldn’t it be great if there was a pause button on the wall and we could push it and make the day stand still? Then we could just stay in bed and snuggle and the sun wouldn’t come up yet.”

I would be pushing that pause button today!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Still relishing the memory of date night…

There were people who saw us who didn’t even know we were parents.

A kid-free 18 hours.

An hour late, much crying (the kids not me) and finally we were on our way.


oh,  I needed that cocktail.


The work party was at the Curtis Center



Date night with a work party thrown in. For me, it was not the reason for the date, but what I had to go through to get the date. You never know what you will learn. We were in the dessert line with a couple who were married in a corn maze. I was trying to chat and be friendly but I had to turn around after I heard about the matching t-shirts that said “bride” and “groom”.  I tried to plaster my happy smile to my face but I really didn’t trust my facial features to be able to keep it up.  A corn maze. Did the guests have to try to find their way to the wedding or out of it? I decided I really like my husband’s boss when her comment was, “oh, corn maze, isn’t that redundant?”


Looking up was quite a sight


A little entertainment




Such a beautiful dress


Dueling photographers. I wonder what his shot looks like.


I wanted to take the wheatgrass home after the party for juicing.


Mr Karaoke.  My Damn Husband really should be a lounge singer. He’s got it down.

date night photos1 

He’s really working those eyebrows





Finally, off to the Omni



Damn Husband: “Put the camera away”



He recovers from too many gin and tonics


Breakfast at FARMiCiA was so yummy.  Their homemade granola is worth a trip into the city.




Chemical Heritage. This is worth another trip into Philly.


Philly is a really sweet city





18 hours over too soon.

December 09a

Friday, December 11, 2009

Photo Workshop #4: Portraits

For the full photo assignment description go to Rose Note’s fabulous blog.

I think I covered all areas. Everyone in the family is angry with me. I should be “dressing to impress” right now since we are late for my husband’s work party and instead I am half-dressed and trying to post this before I leave. We are staying over in the city and the kids are sleeping over at their grandparents. This is my first date sleep over with my husband since…forever. I can’t remember the last time and here I am unpacked,  and not exactly looking like I am trying to impress anyone.  What I wish I could do is continue working on the tons of ideas I have for this assignment.  Below is a mix of new shots and revamped shots for this assignment. Impressive that I managed this much in between working, nursing kids with chicken pox and “dressing to impress.” Too bad I don’t have time to take the pre-work party photos for this assignment but I know I won’t get to put on makeup until we are in the car. Should look great attempting this in the dark with only the small mirror on the car visor. At least I won’t be the one driving. I will look forward to everyone else’s photos when I get back on Saturday night.

No Face Assignment:

Create five telling portraits of five different people, without including the face of the subject.


This was fun. I just kept working on this to avoid doing the self portraits.


The local Christmas parade came in handy.


A teen homeschool prom

last photo assignment1a

my sweet girl

collage picsa

Nigel, surprisingly color coordinated







ah, could anything be harder than self-portraits? Not for me.  I hate having my picture taken almost as much as I hate dressing up and going to my husband’s office party.  Ugh. I am so bad at dressing up. The only look I am good at now is sloppy motherhood, stains and all.


I started by playing with Photoshop. I think I look good in green and black. It sort of accentuates my evil side. Love that liquefy feature.


Joking with my signature black turtleneck that is like my Linus blanket. I am good at hiding and it was freezing.  I love this picture.  I like that it doesn’t look like my arm is stretched out holding a camera.  


Mikaela drew this portrait of me and I photographed it hanging on the mirror.


My daughter took this picture for me when I was at work. The deer photos in the background were taken by a brilliant nature photographer, Barbara Kidder. I love her work (and her)





Well, I didn’t put on makeup but I did set up the room lighting. The teens at our homeschooling resource center were having a prom and I set up the library as a photo studio. I wish I could post all the great pics. The teens are so beautiful and they looked so sweet dressed up.  (see, I would much rather be taking photos of other people) The two headless dressy shots above are from the same set up. I made the Damn Husband join me, It looks like I am about to knock him over.  I didn’t have time to pose this way and that, I just jumped in had someone click and jumped out to continue taking the pictures of the teens who were much more fun.



So, surprising additions. I didn’t think I would get to post any more tonight but, the Damn Husband is snoring away on our king size bed in the Omni Hotel. He wore himself out singing Karaoke tonight and I pacified myself by taking pictures.  A good time had by all.  I still never managed to take a good dressed up Martha Stuart/ Good Morning America shot that was part of the assignment. Oh well, there is always next year’s Christmas party…


It is freezing out. The big puff coat ruins the dressed up look hiding underneath but a girl has to stay warm. This was taken in the elevator of the Omni.



more fun with mirrors